You are my weakness

Where has my self respect gone?
I am a world class programmer.
My theories regarding education and child rearing are unmatched.
There are those who are in awe of me.
So why am I your slave?

It seems that in a single weekend, we have switched roles.
Now I am the one dragging my feet.
Saying slow down, be reasonable.
I do not like this feeling.
And yet all I want is to be yours.

I was so solid, firm, resolute.
Patience exuded from me like a golden glow.
But for only a week.
And now with a word I am hopeless
I am hopelessly yours.

Your voice rang out to me
With love and compassion from across so many miles.
When I was low
In a pit of my own making
Drenched in despair at my own logistical fail.

Like a song your words lingered with me
As did my memories of your eyes, your smile, your skin.
The black wet highways coiled on in front and behind,
but your voice sang me home.
All I wanted was for you to caress my neck and shoulders till I fell asleep in your arms.

I should not give up my life and go to you.
Not while he is still there,
Benefiting from your largess,
Dwelling with you as a family of three.
I hate myself for even considering being the guest of that family.

And yet you said you want me,
And all I want is to go to you,
To forget about him and the rightness of my demand,
That he leave the bosom of your family before I enter it,
That you make room for me in your home, your family, your heart.

But I am helpless.
My pride is already shrieking and dying,
For it knows I will forsake it to be with you.